OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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