It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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