I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There r osticjed everywhere
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
