This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
