Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
