Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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