wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
this beer tastes like vomit already
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
