I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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