you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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