he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
