have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
