i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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