I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
