I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
