watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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