Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
