In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
