i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
