Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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