OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
