He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
