I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
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