I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
