...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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