she woke up with a sticky ear
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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