I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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