YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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