Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
