What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All the doctor said was why
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
