Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
