I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
