were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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