You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
