four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
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He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
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I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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