mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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