Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I have post one night stand depression
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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