Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
