And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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