Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
