These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
God I need to hump something, right now.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
