I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
