And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
