currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
