I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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