Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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