So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize