when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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