yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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