He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
