my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
