i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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