This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
