Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
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Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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