Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
