I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i drank out of a bidet.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
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Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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