There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
