He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
