laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
