Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize