check it out our google latitudes are spooning
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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