Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
