I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
