I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
