I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
