I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
