I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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