Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
