my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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