i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
